So many emotions...

So many thoughts are going through my mind lately just as they did with both of my other children. This time though I will share my thoughts with anyone who wants to read them. Please remember...these are MY thoughts and they may not represent what anyone else thinks or understands and that's OK. I'm sharing them in this manner because I want people to experience the joys of adoption just as I have.

At this point in our adoption I can hardly talk about our new daughter without breaking into tears because I feel so much joy at the prospect that she will finally be in our arms soon. I wonder if this is how a momma feels when she is close to giving birth...something I have never done. I have so much hope for her. Then there are those fears that come, not heavy fears just more of wondering...

Wondering what will she be like, will she be sad, will she cry, will she like me, will she like my husband, does she even know we're coming, does she know she is about to have a family...so much to wonder about. I want to hold her so bad...will she let me...or will I have to be patient and let her learn to trust me and to love me. I pray that God will guide my every step and every word when I finally meet her. I know He will...trust in the Lord with all your heart...I do and I will!

Excitement and joy...our daughter is about to become part of our family...a family that will NEVER, EVER abandon her, a family that will always love her no matter what. She will always have us there for her and we will be happy to be with her. We are excited to share new experiences with her. We are excited to hold her, hug her, kiss her and tell her how much we love her everyday.

Yes, I know I mostly see this through rose colored glasses but that is because I have every faith in God that this is His plan for us to have this precious little girl. He placed her in our hearts and she will be our precious daughter.

How this love began is so amazing to me...as I ponder the love of a child I've never met but yet I love her so much that words can not express my feelings for her. It's the same feelings I've had for each of my children and to me it is one of God's miracles. People ask me all the time how is it that I can feel so strong about my feelings when I'm adopting...especially an older child (yes, sometimes, many times people ask stupid questions)...well to me...how can I not feel so strongly for the children I have been blessed with through God's grace and mercy. HE LOVES ME...no matter what...HE LOVES ME. How can I not love the children He has given me?

Here's how it starts...if you've ever been pregnant (as I said, I haven't) but I think you probably felt an immediate connection to this little life growing inside you. That's how I have felt with each of my children the INSTANT I knew of them...each of their stories are different in how they came to be but each of them were all part of a MIRACLE. I began to LOVE them instantly and I began to pray for them and I could not wait until the day I met them. What an amazing life as a momma I have had. What joy my children have brought to my life! I can not imagine my life without them! They are wonderful and I am blessed to be able to be their momma!

Oh, I know this post doesn't even really begin to express how passionately I feel about my thoughts when it comes to being a mom but it's so hard to put love into words that truly express how I feel.

I adore you my precious children!

Love, Mom